The Question
Dude who wants an affair hookup with a willing woman: “Hey Frankie. How do I get laid at AffairAlert.com?”
Me: “AffairAlert.com? Simple. In order to alert potential partners of your intentions, you’ll have to gather up a few things to make a signal. First, you’ll need some wood. Not that kind of wood. Tree wood. Geez. Take it easy. Then, some kind of plant. Why a plant? No clue. Just because. Okay, now go get yourself a nice big bucket. Perfect. Once you have your bucket in hand, and really, this the most important part, you fill it full of you fucking don’t!”
For the bucket-impaired, what I’m saying is: You no get the bang bang at AffairAlert.com.
But why, Frankie? What’s wrong with AffairAlert.com?
Oh, just the usual trifecta of fake members/fake profiles/fake emails.
Put ’em together and whaddya got? Bippity boppity scam.
Tell me more, Frankie.
Two words: Fantasy Cuties.
But I want details!
Of course you do! I got ‘em for you!
Alrighty, if you were to go to the AffairAlert site and scroll down to the bottom of the page, you’d find a little linky-link that says, “Terms of Service”.
That right there, the Terms of Service page, the thing that nobody ever reads, is the keeper of the truth key.
I know right? Who knew?
Anyway, let’s have a look right now and see what kind of nonsense we can find.
(Half a second later…)
Kaboom! Nonsense alert in Section 4:
4. FOR AMUSEMENT PURPOSES ONLY
That doesn’t sound too promising, does it?
I’ll go ahead and answer for you. No.
But it gets better! And by better, I mean worse, of course.
Section 4B says:
You comprehend, acknowledge, and accept that our Service, presented in the style of an online dating service, is an entertainment service. All content is provided for the entertainment and amusement of You. Our Site does not guarantee that You will find a date, partner, or participant, or that you will meet any member in person.
That’s great, guys. Thanks for entertaining me.
Just in case that was too subtle… I’m being sarcastic.
Moving on…
Because I already mentioned them, and this whole review wouldn’t be complete without them, let me introduce to you, the Fantasy Cuties from good ol’ section 4C!
THIS SITE UTILIZES FANTASY PROFILES IDENTIFIED AS FANTASY CUTIES. You comprehend, acknowledge, and accept that some of the profiles listed on the Site may be operated by our Site or third party contractors and are fictitious.
Whee! Fictitious profiles!
Go ahead and read more blah on the terms page, if you like. That’s enough details for me though.
I don’t believe you, Frankie!
Amusement purposes only, fantasy profiles, contractors hired by the site to communicate, etc. Maybe you missed all that stuff from two seconds ago?
That has to be it. Or maybe you just make up your own meanings to words?
Anyway, it’s up to you, but I say don’t do it, man! Don’t waste your time and money chatting with a robot. Especially not after all the stuff we just talked about. It seems kinda silly to just end up in the same boat.
So how the hell am I supposed to get laid?
Sign up to a legit dating site.
Click here and check out the sites I’ve listed. Sign up to one of those sites and you’ll find loads of women who want to get laid. No bullshit attached. No scams.
TL;DR
AffairAlert.com? Nope. Scam.
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