The Question
Stoked Stifler who wants to be the filling in the pie of an apple-bottomed beauty: “Hey Frankie. How do I get laid at BoneAMilf.com?”
Me: “BoneAMilf.com? Super duper easy! For this, you need to take a cue from our canine friends. What do I mean? Lemme ‘splain. When a doggy-dog wants to get it on doggy-style, the first thing he wants to do is show up with a doggy gift! And what better gift from dog to dog than a big juicy bone! (The literalism is not lost on the dogs.) So, if you’re to embark (heh heh) on a similar journey, it stands to reason, that you’re gonna need to find yourself a bone to present as a gift. In other words, if you wanna bone, you gotta bring a bone! To accomplish this simple feat, go get yourself a shovel. A good diggin’ shovel! Now find a good patch of earth that you can start digging into, and get shovelin’. After a few minutes of digging, you should find exactly what you’re supposed to find! The realization that you fucking don’t!”
I know it’s ruff, but no matter how much you’re willing to play ball, you just need to take a walk and realize that nobody is humping anybody at BoneAMilf.com.
But why, Frankie? What’s wrong with BoneAMilf.com?
What’s wrong with BoneAMilf? What’s wrong, what’s wrong, what’s wrong…
Hmm… let me see..
Is it the fake members? Or, wait…
Maybe it’s the fake profiles? Or, well…
It might be the fake emails?
Oh riiight. Now I remember! It’s all fucking three of those things!
Yup. Fake members, fake profiles, and fake emails.
That’s what’s wrong with BoneAMilf.com.
Tell me more, Frankie.
Okey dokey!
Something called a “Love Star” sure sounds like it’d be a good thing, right?
Well, it’s fucking not.
But I want details!
Thought you might. Happy to oblige!
For all the gory details, we’re gonna hop on over to BoneAMilf’s very own terms and conditions page.
Why would we do that?
Glad you asked!
We’re going to dig in to the terms and conditions because that page, my friend, is where we get to find out the truth!
See, all these shady motherfucker “dating” sites basically follow the same playbook. They make it seem like it’s impossible for you to join their site and not get laid, but then in the terms they tell you how the deck is stacked against you.
And they don’t tell you all the ways they shaft you because they want to, by the way. They tell you in order to cover their own asses from legal ramifications. Trust me when I tell you, if they could get away with not telling you about all the bullshit they pull, they sure as fuck wouldn’t.
So, how about some cold, hard, evidence to back up what we’re talking about in our little website review here.
Behold the bullshit train that runs right through Section 10 of BoneAMilf’s terms:
All profiles are provided for the entertainment of our members and our users.
Hey, guess what you don’t find on legit dating sites. Fucking profiles that are provided for entertainment. That’s what.
Continuing…
You understand, acknowledge, and agree that some of the user profiles posted on this site may be fictitious or models or bots related to our “Love Stars” (LS) program.
That right there is the big reveal. Fictitious profiles, for fuck’s sake.
Listen, any time you see anything about a site creating fictitious profiles, just turn around and keep walking.
But since we’re here, let’s check out a bit more of this train wreck.
Our LS work for the site in an effort to stimulate dialogue with users and to stimulate user participation on the Website and Services, advertisement of the Website and Services, and the creation of user profiles.
Gee, you mean the fictitious profile “Love Stars” work for you? What a surprise!
Ugh.
You understand, acknowledge, and agree that the information, text, and pictures contained in the LS profiles do not pertain to any actual person or member, but are included for entertainment purposes only.
Holy hell. These motherfuckers are non-stop.
You further understand, acknowledge, and agree that, from time-to-time, LS may contact Website and Services users and members via electronic messaging, including for example, email, instant messages, and SMS, for purposes of encouraging further or broader participation in our site’s Services and/or to monitor user activity.
And just in case there was any doubt left…
You understand, acknowledge, and agree that no physical meeting will ever take place between you and LS, and that the exchange of messages between you and a LS is for entertainment purposes, as well as to encourage further or broader participation in our site’s Services and/or to monitor user activities.
Just, wow.
Un-fucking-believable what these scammy fuckers get away with. Seriously, day after day, month after month, year after year, these sites continue to prey on unsuspecting people and make loot hand over fucking fist. It’s brutal.
If you want to see more (there’s always more), head on over to their site and read the rest of the terms for yourself, but as far as I’m concerned, I think “fuck that” pretty much sums things up.
I don’t believe you, Frankie!
But…
So…
Why…
Lemme try that again…
Deep breath.
Okay.
Look, I’m glad that you question things. You should. It’s good to not just blindly believe anything and everything.
However…
When presented with facts, it doesn’t make sense to not believe them. You know, what with facts being things that are indisputably the case and all that.
But, it’s cool. I understand how it can be a bit of a shocker to learn about things that are so blatantly deceitful. We’ll get you through it though.
Here’s what you do…
Head on back up the page and re-read the bit about the fictitious profiles. Notice how that stuff isn’t opinion, but rather facts. Facts that come straight from the swindley horse’s mouth.
Give yourself a minute to let all that shit sink in. The light bulb will light up. If it doesn’t right away, read it again. And again and again until it does.
Because here’s the thing…
When that light bulb finally does turn on, you will absolutely be better off. You will have successfully avoided being scammed out of both your time and money. And that’s a real good thing.
So how the hell am I supposed to get laid?
Sign up to a legit dating site.
Click here and check out the sites I’ve listed. Sign up to one of those sites and you’ll find loads of women who want to get laid. No bullshit attached. No scams.
TL;DR
BoneAMilf.com? Nope. Scam.
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