The Question
Dapper Dan who wants a close encounter of the bonin’ kind with a sultry sexpot: “Hey Frankie. How do I get laid at SexEncounters.com?”
Me: “SexEncounters.com? It’s a cinch. You just need to whip up a little transportation to get you to your destination. What kind of transportation, you ask? Oh, just a little something I like to call the Sex Rocket. Okay, so first you— What? Whaddya mean, ‘What kind of transportation is that?’ It’s a rocket. I thought I was pretty clear on that. Okay, now— Yes? Sigh. It doesn’t matter if you’re not a ‘rocket scientist’, for Pete’s sake. I’m going to tell you how to build it. Can I continue? Okay, so, first you go and grab all the rocket-y parts. Then, and this is key, you put them together. Finally, prepare yourself for liftoff, and you fucking don’t!”
What I’m saying is, you have a better chance of going to space in a cardboard box than you do of hooking up with someone at SexEncounters.com.
But why, Frankie? What’s wrong with SexEncounters.com?
This is a joke:
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food here.”
This is an appropriate response:
That laugh is fake (because that joke is awful).
Here are three other things that are fake as hell:
Fake members, fake profiles, and fake emails.
Tell me more, Frankie.
He’s baaack!
Behold the legend that is…
El Sparko!
When El Sparko is on the scene, the sparkles are sprinkled fast and loose!
But I want details!
Sure!
Before you have a chance to say, “What the eff with the sparkle boolchit?”, please allow me to elucidate.
I shall do so by referring to SexEncounters.com’s very own terms and conditions page, no less.
Because, you see, the answer is not blowing in the wind, it is on said terms and conditions page. The one page on any dating site where you have a chance to find out if there is some kind of nefarious hoobledepoop going on.
Onward.
Section I6 is where the light be sheddin’:
In order to enhance your amusement experience, to stimulate you and others to use our Services more extensively, and to generally sprinkle some sparkle and excitement into the Services of SEXENCOUNTERS.COM, we may post fictitious profiles, generate or respond to communications by means of automated programs or scripts that simulate or attempt to simulate your intercommunication with another real human being (though none really exists and any dialog is generated by programming), and we may employ or contract for the paid services of real persons who may interact with you as part of their compensated employment.
Now you see the sparkles of which I speak.
How about a little more scam soda to wash ‘em down?
While these communications may seem genuine, authentic, and personal, they may be broadcast simultaneously to a large number of persons and possess none of these qualities. While their contents may appear to be true, they may be quite false; while their contents may appear to sincere, they may be quite disingenuous.
Case the fuck closed.
I don’t believe you, Frankie!
Look, I know El Sparko looks like he’s having fun, but he’s performing a service. That service is called, Help All the People Not Get Fugged by Scammy Dating Sites, or HAPNGFSDS for short. (That’s a working title, by the way.)
Don’t disappoint El Sparko by not believing what is so obviously the truth. He works so hard.
El Sparko deserves to be happy. And you deserve to NOT be scammed by duplicitous dating sites.
So how the hell am I supposed to get laid?
Sign up to a legit dating site.
Click here and check out the sites I’ve listed. Sign up to one of those sites and you’ll find loads of women who want to get laid. No bullshit attached. No scams.
TL;DR
SexEncounters.com? Nope. Scam.
Ur a fukin funny legond Frankie thanks for the tips
Thanks, man. And no sweat. Happy to help you steer clear of the bullshit.
I knew this site was a scam. You are 100% correct. The email responses were always a little off and didn’t ring true. Once you paid your money the request all stopped coming and messages were never replied to.
Hey RJ.
Brutal. Hopefully you didn’t get taken for too much cash. Thanks for letting other dudes know your experience so they can steer clear. It’s appreciated.