The Question
Dominant Dominic who wants to get tied up with a submissive seductress: “Hey Frankie. How do I get laid at BDSMMatch.com?”
Me: “BDSMMatch.com? Easy. You just have to be disciplined and follow a few simple rules. Why are there rules, you ask? Well, if there are no rules, how on earth do you expect to know how to behave? Now, let’s continue. Rule number one, no more questions. Tut tut. Shh. There you go. You got it. Good work. Rule number two, follow all further rules. That’s a simple one, yes? Wait a sec. Before you answer, here’s rule number three: Agree with every question that is asked of you. Okay? Perfect. And that’s all there is to it. Pretty straightforward stuff. Don’t follow those rules, and expect to be punished. Follow those rules and you fucking don’t!
What I’m saying is, the only rule you need to follow to keep from being humiliated (and not in a good way) is don’t get roped into thinking anyone is getting laid at BDSMMatch.
But why, Frankie? What’s wrong with BDSMMatch.com?
So, obviously, pain can be good. Real good.
But pain can also be bad. Real bad.
Here are three things that are the real bad kind of pain:
Fake members, fake profiles, and fake emails.
That’s the kind of pain you find at BDSMMatch.
Like I said, real bad.
Wanna make it stop? Here’s your safe word for the day: nomorebullshit.
Tell me more, Frankie.
Glad to.
Oh look. What a surprise. More fucking “Online Cupids”.
Nomorebullshit! Nomorebullshit! Fucking please.
But I want details!
You betcha! Here you go…
Oop! Hang on a sec. Just a quick detour before we get to the meat of the matter. Okay, less a detour and more probably the most important part of all of this.
Before you ever sign up to a dating site—ANY dating site—make sure you read the terms and conditions first. Trust me when I tell you that action alone can save you so much grief, it’s not even funny.
If you’re wondering why, I don’t blame you. I mean, how important can the terms actually be? Just a bunch of legal blah, right?
Right.
But the legal blah is exactly why you need to read them.
Here’s the thing. Dating sites want you to join. They want you to join because that’s how they make money. And that’s okay. IF they’re legit. Unfortunately, just because a dating site looks legit, does not mean they are.
And that leaves you in a pretty fucked up position. How do you know which sites you can trust?
Well, guess where you can find out if a dating site is actually legit or not.
You got it! The terms and conditions.
In fact, the terms and conditions is probably the only place where you have a chance to find out the truth about how the site operates.
Stuffed away in the wall of boring-ass legal jargon (that they know basically no one actually ever reads) is where bullshit sites hide their shenanigans in plain sight. Strictly to cover their own asses, of course. You can bet on it that they wouldn’t let you in on their scammy tactics if they didn’t have to.
Anyway, how about a concrete example of exactly what we’re talking about?
Check it out. From Section 9 of the terms and conditions of BDSMMatch:
9. FOR AMUSEMENT PURPOSES ONLY
And to add to that…
9.b. You understand and accept that our site, while built in the form of a personals service, is an entertainment service. All profiles are provided for the amusement and entertainment of our members and our users.
Whenever you see a site trying to explain away their existence as an “entertainment service”, or that they’re only there for “amusement purposes”, just steer the fuck clear. Big red flag.
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that you’re not on a dating site to be “entertained” or “amused”.
Continuing on, here’s the real fucker to all this. “Online Cupids”. Remember them? Fuck. You’re gonna love this…
9.c. THIS SITE USES FANTASY PROFILES CALLED ONLINE CUPIDS®: You understand, acknowledge, and agree that some of the user profiles posted on this site may be fictitious and operated by the Site or its contractors.
And…
9.c.i. Messages sent from our Online Cupids® service may be automatically generated with no human involvement, and Online Cupids® messages and/or correspondence may be generated by third-parties hired or contracted by Us.
Again I say, and…
9.c.ii. You understand, acknowledge, and agree that the information, text, and pictures contained in the Online Cupids® service profiles do not pertain to any actual person, but are included for entertainment and educational purposes only. Life events, experiences, interests, and geographic locations are fictitious. Nothing contained in any Online Cupids® service profile or message is intended to describe or resemble any real person – living or dead.
Amazing. As in, the size of the balls on these motherfuckers is amazing. What a steaming load of shit.
Now, of course there’s more nonsense to be read on their terms page. And by all means, go on and read the rest, if you’re so inclined. But, for real, what has already been outlined above is enough for me hightail it the fuck outta there and never look back.
Fuck that noise.
I don’t believe you, Frankie!
You what now?
Oh, I get it, I get it. You’re just trying to inflict a little pain. Well, mission accomplished. Happy?
Moving on…
On the off-chance you’re serious, and for some unknown reason have not yet been convinced by the rest of this review, mosey on back up the page here and re-read all the words up there. Pay special attention to the fictitious profiles part. That shit is facts, plain and simple.
I shall wait.
Back? All good now?
Perfect.
So how the hell am I supposed to get laid?
Sign up to a legit dating site.
Click here and check out the sites I’ve listed. Sign up to one of those sites and you’ll find loads of women who want to get laid. No bullshit attached. No scams.
TL;DR
BDSMMatch.com? Nope. Scam.
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