The Question
Fine fella who wants to hook up affair style with a hot housewife: “Hey Frankie. How do I get laid at AffairHookups.com?”
Me: “AffairHookups.com? Damn! That’s totally as easy as umm… hooking something up. Or something. Anyway, it goes like this. Hook your fingers together real tight and say, ‘I sure do want me some fine affair hookup action!’ Then, as if by magic, you fucking don’t!”
What I’m saying is, AffairHookups.com is a one-sided affair. As in, the only one participating will be you.
But why, Frankie? What’s wrong with AffairHookups.com?
I’ll spare you the suspense and get straight to the point today, boys:
Fake members. Fake profiles. Fake emails.
Add those up and you get something real alright. A real scam.
Tell me more, Frankie.
Gladly. This one is too good.
These brazen motherfuckers don’t even try and hide their scammy nonsense in the terms and conditions. They’re so sure that everybody is thinking with their dingalings and not bothering to read the fine print, they tell you about their scamtastic Online Cupids right on the front page!
But I want details!
Details coming up!
Normally, I’d refer you right to the terms and conditions for the site, but today I get to shake things up a bit. Check out this shit on the home page first:
By proceeding I acknowledge and agree that this Site includes Online Cupids® which are fantasy profiles operated by the site for entertainment and compliance. Online Cupids® may interact with users to encourage full participation in the Site’s services, procedures, and options.
Okay, now we direct our attention to section 9 of the good ol’ T&C for some more delicious scamwiches (I totally just made that up.):
Messages sent from our Online Cupids® service may be automatically generated with no human involvement
How about this classic:
You understand, acknowledge, and agree that the information, text, and pictures contained in the Online Cupids® service profiles do not pertain to any actual person, but are included for entertainment and educational purposes only. Life events, experiences, interests, and geographic locations are fictitious. Nothing contained in any Online Cupids® service profile or message is intended to describe or resemble any real person – living or dead.
There’s more, but I think we all get the idea.
I’m in awe of the level of fuck you involved in their terms. Amazing.
I don’t believe you, Frankie!
BWAHAHAHA!
Come on now! You’re obviously just fucking with me, right? Right?
Please tell me you’re just fucking with me.
Ahh, never mind. Have fun!
So how the hell am I supposed to get laid?
Sign up to a legit dating site.
Click here and check out the sites I’ve listed. Sign up to one of those sites and you’ll find loads of women who want to get laid. No bullshit attached. No scams.
TL;DR
AffairHookups.com? Nope. Scam.
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