The Question
Slick Rick who can’t wait to bang-a-lang a qualified coquette: “Hey Frankie. How do I get laid at BangExperts.com?”
Me: “BangExperts.com? Wicked easy, bro. All you gotta do is establish yourself as an expert. Of banging? Nah. Of anything! See, here’s the beauty of the whole thing. When you’re an expert at something—doesn’t matter what—you can call yourself an expert. Expert potato chip eater? Doesn’t matter. Expert. Expert toenail clipper? Doesn’t matter. Expert. With that all cleared up, your step 1 is to pick something you’re good at. Got something? Good. Now, to get to expert level, you just have to practice a bit. How long? Like, for a few minutes or something. That should do it. Okay, now that you can officially call yourself an expert, get ready to you fucking don’t!”
Here’s the thing… You could practice for 10,000 hours 10,000 times and be the biggest actual bang expert on the planet and you still wouldn’t get laid at BangExperts.
But why, Frankie? What’s wrong with BangExperts.com?
Allow me to illustrate by using this onomatopoeic extravaganza…
Bang! Fake members!
Bang! Fake profiles!
Bang! Fake emails!
That, my friends, is what it sounds like to be in a bullshit battle. A battle that you’ll never win, by the way.
Tell me more, Frankie.
Gladly.
Here’s another site that relies on the old “baffle them with bullshit” adage.
Side note: It’s interesting how often the term bullshit springs up when we’re talking about these bamboozler sites. And by “interesting”, I mean “totally not surprising”.
Anyway, these guys don’t even bother to use any “clever” term for their fake members. They just blather on enough to try and confuse you into not caring.
But I want details!
Alrighty.
But first things first!
If you take away anything from reading this review today, let it be this: Before you sign up to a dating site—ANY dating site—always make sure to read the terms and conditions first.
Listen, I don’t care if you’ve heard of the site a thousand times. I don’t care if the site came over to your place, patted your dog, and gave you a hug.
If you’re thinking of signing up to a dating site, read their terms first.
Now, the obvious question after I say that is, “Why?”
Well, that’s a good question. I’ll tell you exactly why.
You always want to read the terms and conditions first because the terms are where you have a chance to find out if a site is going to try and pull a fast one on you.
Make no mistake, you’re not going to find out how you’re going to get duped by a site in their terms because they want to tell you. No, that info is there so the site doesn’t get skee-rewed legally by claiming to be something it’s not. It’s there to cover the dating site’s ass.
The terms are where all the legal hibbity-bibbity is. It’s dry, boring, and confusing. Nobody wants to read that stuff. And most people don’t. This is exactly what these shady dating sites are counting on. It’s why their unscrupulous nonsense is buried in there in the first place. Even though they know most people will never see the scam, they can say, “But it’s right there in black and white. We told him we were full of shit and he still signed up!” Ass covered.
So, to reiterate, read the terms and conditions before you sign up to any dating site. Okay? Okay.
Now, hang on to your hats cuz this next bit of nonsense is going to blow your mind. You wanna see bullshit? Here’s your bullshit…
Section 1, paragraph 8 is where it begins:
This Website does not create user profiles, so called “virtual profiles” or use artificial intelligence in order to simulate people.
The key phrase to notice here—their “out”, so to speak—is, “to simulate people”. Essentially they’re saying, “Oh we create all sorts of fake bullshit, but we would never try and simulate people!”
Wanna know how we know this? Behold the wonder that is held in the next paragraph:
We create user profiles for use by our customer support representatives for the support, marketing, improvement of the Service, and in order for our Registered Users to experience the type of communications that they can expect as paying Members. Our customer support representatives are encouraged to speak with our members and also to stimulate conversation between members by making introductions or recommendations or just to chat with Users, for entertainment purposes. Additionally, the Website utilizes automated system profiles to communicate with Users to enhance our Users’ entertainment experience.
I know, right? What in the fuck?
Here’s more…
You acknowledge and agree that some of the profiles posted on the Website that you may communicate with as a Registered User may be fictitious. The purpose of our creating these profiles is to provide our Registered Users with entertainment, to allow Registered Users to explore our Service and to promote greater participation in our Service. The messages they send are computer generated. Messages from the user profiles we create attempt to simulate communications so that should you become a paid Member you are encouraged to participate in more conversation and to increase interaction among fellow paid Members.
Gross.
Go read the rest of the terms if you feel like you haven’t shaken your head enough yet today. But I think I’ll end my recap there though.
And just to finish up the ol’ details section, I’m going to paraphrase myself from another review I did recently…
I will concede that it’s possible that BangExperts has some real members on their site, but it’s also painfully obvious from their very own terms and conditions that they also have fake members. And for the record, my stance on the fake member thing hasn’t changed: If a site has some fakes, they may as well all be fakes. Because, believe me when I tell you, somebody is gonna get shafted.
I don’t believe you, Frankie!
Well, shit.
Dude. Choosing to not believe something that is indisputably true is, well, kinda silly.
I mean, you’re obviously free to make your own decisions and all that, but seriously. Dude.
Come on now. Shake it off. Go re-read dem words up there. Let them really sink in.
There. See? You got it now. Much better.
It’s easier than you think to keep your life a con-free zone, my man!
So how the hell am I supposed to get laid?
Sign up to a legit dating site.
Click here and check out the sites I’ve listed. Sign up to one of those sites and you’ll find loads of women who want to get laid. No bullshit attached. No scams.
TL;DR
BangExperts.com? Nope. Scam.
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