The Question
Sly guy who wants to make time with a ferocious older woman: “Hey Frankie. How do I get laid at CheatingCougars.com?”
Me: “CheatingCougars.com? Rowr! It’s pretty damn simple. It goes like this… Crouch down real slow. Slower. Okay. Now real calm like you say, ‘Here cougar, cougar, cougar.’ Perfect. Now, one more time. ‘Here cougar, cougar, cougar.’ Good. Is it working? No? Exactly! Because you fucking don’t!”
If a dude calls a cougar on the internet does anybody hear? CheatingCougars.com sure as shit doesn’t.
But why, Frankie? What’s wrong with CheatingCougars.com?
In keeping with the animal theme today, let’s all take a trip to the CheatingCougars zoo.
“Aww… It almost looks like people!”
“What are they?”
“Fake members!”
“Ooo, look over there!”
“Ha! Those sure aren’t an endangered species!”
“I know, right? There are fake profiles everywhere!”
“Oh wow! Can you hear that? In the distance.”
“Sounds like a stampede.”
“Sure is! A stampede of fake emails!
“Man, this is one fucked up zoo.”
“Agreed.”
And now, a quick recap of what we saw on our trip to the CheatingCougars zoo…
Fake members! Fake profiles! Fake emails!
Tell me more, Frankie.
Sure thing!
You’d think “Online Cupids” would be helpful in finding you a tasty companion. You’d be wrong.
But I want details!
So, uh, why don’t I give you some details?
If only we had some where to go to get the truth.
What’s that? The Terms and Conditions? Fine idea!
Let’s zoom on down to section 9.
9. FOR AMUSEMENT PURPOSES ONLY
That don’t look good! But wait! There’s more!
9. b. You understand and accept that our site, while built in the form of a personals service, is an entertainment service. All profiles are provided for the amusement and entertainment of our members and our users. You are not guaranteed that you will find a date, a companion, or an activity partner, or that you will meet any of our members in person.
Err… really?
9. c. THIS SITE USES FANTASY PROFILES CALLED ONLINE CUPIDS®: You understand, acknowledge, and agree that some of the user profiles posted on this site may be fictitious and operated by the Site or its contractors.
But… but…
9. c. ii. You understand, acknowledge, and agree that the information, text, and pictures contained in the Online Cupids® service profiles do not pertain to any actual person, but are included for entertainment and educational purposes only. Life events, experiences, interests, and geographic locations are fictitious. Nothing contained in any Online Cupids® service profile or message is intended to describe or resemble any real person – living or dead.
Well ho-lee shit!
Of course, the above is just part of the bullshit legalese nonsense that’s there to cover their asses for running such a scamboozler of a site. But i think we can all agree it’s enough to see pretty clearly what’s going on.
I don’t believe you, Frankie!
You don’t believe… How can you not…
Cena feels my pain.
Anyway, as usual, all I can do is show you what’s what. If you don’t want to believe the black and white, well, I hope you and imaginary Cupid are very happy together.
So how the hell am I supposed to get laid?
Sign up to a legit dating site.
Click here and check out the sites I’ve listed. Sign up to one of those sites and you’ll find loads of women who want to get laid. No bullshit attached. No scams.
TL;DR
CheatingCougars.com? Nope. Scam.
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