The Question
Fella who wants to meet the lady for boom-boom: “Hey Frankie. How do I get laid at HookupCloud.com?”
Me: “HookupCloud.com? So easy. First, you have a dream. A dream where you’re flying high up in the sky. Then… are you ready? You fucking don’t!”
What I’m saying, Mr. Dreamer, is get your head…
out of the clouds.
But why, Frankie? What’s wrong with HookupCloud.com?
At some point, I’m going to have to come up with a good shorthand for this because the reason is pretty much always the same for these sites. Save us all some time. Until then, sing along. You know the words… Fake members. Fake profiles. Fake emails.
Tell me more, Frankie.
These cats are highbrow with their scam machine. They use Online Legates to enhance your enjoyment! La-dee-da!
But I want details!
Sure, sure. Why not?
We all know the Fake, Fake, Fake song from a second ago. I think we all know this next one too. Check the Goddamn Terms and Conditions. Ooo. I like that one. It’s got a good beat. I can dance to it.
Anyway, that’s where people get bit in the ass. They don’t read the terms and then they get burned. It sucks.
But I digress. Onward…
T&C, section 14. Online Legates! Read all about ‘em!
14. ONLINE LEGATES: HOOKUPCLOUD.COM UTILIZES VIRTUAL PROFILES THAT DO NOT CORRESPOND TO ACTUAL MEMBERS
A legate, FYI, is an envoy or emissary. In other words, an agent or representative. In this case, of HookupCloud.com.
Let’s see what else an Online Legate can do for you!
14.2 An ONLINE LEGATE may be a digital actor, an avatar or a synthespian (e.g. a computer generated “person” or “character”). ONLINE LEGATES may be employed by hookupcloud.com or a third party to enhance Your online experience.
Please! More enhance! I want enhance so much!
Yeesh.
How about one more bite of nonsense for the road?
14.3 By consenting to and accepting these Terms, You acknowledge You fully understand, accept and agree to the ONLINE LEGATES service. You acknowledge that You understand that some of the profiles and Members displayed on them are not actual members of the site.
Ugh.
‘Nuff said.
I don’t believe you, Frankie!
You don’t whaaa…
Excuse me while I go poke a fork in my eye.
Ahem. Back now.
Please go re-read the words (You know words, right? The collections of letters that mean things when you put them together.) right above these words. The bit about the legates. That’s right.
All good now? Perfect.
So how the hell am I supposed to get laid?
Sign up to a legit dating site.
Click here and check out the sites I’ve listed. Sign up to one of those sites and you’ll find loads of women who want to get laid. No bullshit attached. No scams.
TL;DR
HookupCloud.com? Nope. Scam.
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