The Question
Brother who wants to hook up with another’s mother: “Hey Frankie. How do I get laid at MilfsHookup.com?”
Me: “MilfsHookup.com? Simple. First, clean your room. Hot moms totally like it when you have a clean room. Then, put your dishes in the dishwasher. Hot moms totally like a tidy kitchen. Then, do some more house-y chore type stuff. Hot moms totally like it when you finish your chores. Then, once everything is done, and hot mom is totally happy, you fucking don’t!”
What I’m saying is, it doesn’t matter what you do, ain’t nobody getting any hot MILF action on MilfsHookup.
But why, Frankie? What’s wrong with MilfsHookup.com?
Pretty sure MilfsHookup thinks that MILF stands for the following:
M – Maybe
I – I
L – Like
F – Fakes
Cuz that’s what you’re gonna find on that scamaroo of a site…
Fake members, fake profiles, and fake emails!
Tell me more, Frankie.
Okely dokely, friend-a-rino!
We’re looking at you today, “Online Cupids”!
But I want details!
And now… (drumroll)… Details!
Funny thing… I may be starting to develop a what… admiration? for the “Online Cupids” term. Not because it’s good, of course. Or legit (certainly not that). But because the legal blah that goes along with it in the T&C is so utterly brazen and ridiculous, I kinda can’t help myself. It’s like watching a freakshow. You don’t want any part of it, but you think it’s incredible how they can pull off their batshit crazy stunts.
Now, speaking of the terms and conditions, let’s turn our attention to section 9. The opening act of the freakshow is about to begin!
9. FOR AMUSEMENT PURPOSES ONLY
Strong start, freakshow. Strong start.
Gimme some act 2!
9. b. You understand and accept that our site, while built in the form of a personals service, is an entertainment service. All profiles are provided for the amusement and entertainment of our members and our users. You are not guaranteed that you will find a date, a companion, or an activity partner, or that you will meet any of our members in person.
Whoa! Did not see that coming! (I kid. I totally did.)
Can act 3 top the amazing act 2?
9. c. THIS SITE USES FANTASY PROFILES CALLED ONLINE CUPIDS®: You understand, acknowledge, and agree that some of the user profiles posted on this site may be fictitious and operated by the Site or its contractors.
You betcha! Damn!
Can’t wait for the finale! Oh, oh, oh! It’s time!
9. c. ii. You understand, acknowledge, and agree that the information, text, and pictures contained in the Online Cupids® service profiles do not pertain to any actual person, but are included for entertainment and educational purposes only. Life events, experiences, interests, and geographic locations are fictitious. Nothing contained in any Online Cupids® service profile or message is intended to describe or resemble any real person – living or dead.
Gah! Mind. Blown.
There are a few more gems you can check out in their T&C if you’re so inclined, but goddamn, I don’t think I can take any more.
Helluva show.
I don’t believe you, Frankie!
Sheeeit.
I mean, come on now.
These guys don’t just say they make bogus profiles, they ALSO go right ahead and say that their site is for “amusement purposes only”.
Here, you go ahead and re-read the section above. We’ll wait.
Okay. Back? Good.
Now, I’m gonna choose to believe that everything just got clear as fucking crystal for you. But on the off chance that it didn’t, please don’t tell me. I can’t hear it. My head will explode.
So how the hell am I supposed to get laid?
Sign up to a legit dating site.
Click here and check out the sites I’ve listed. Sign up to one of those sites and you’ll find loads of women who want to get laid. No bullshit attached. No scams.
TL;DR
MilfsHookup.com? Nope. Scam.
Leave a Reply