The Question
Bold Benjamin who’s looking for his own milf-y Mrs. Robinson: “Hey Frankie. How do I get laid at SeekingMILF.com?”
Me: “SeekingMILF.com? No problemo. Four easy steps and you’re covered. 1) Make a bomb-ass cheesecake. 2) Imagine what that cheesecake is gonna taste like. 3) Lick your lips. Why? Cuz you’re thinking about that tasty motherfucking cheesecake you just made, that’s why! 4) Fucking eat that cheesecake! Sorry. Got a little distracted. I want some cheesecake. What were we talking about again? Oh, right. Getting laid at SeekingMILF. Yeah, forget about that. You fucking don’t!”
What I’m saying is, you make a cheesecake, you get a sweet cheesecake. You try and get laid at SeekingMILF, you get sweet fuck all.
But why, Frankie? What’s wrong with SeekingMILF.com?
Oh, you know, just the usual.
Fake members, fake profiles, and fake emails.
No big whoop.
Except it is. It’s a big fucking whoop, in fact.
There shouldn’t be goddamn fake anything on a dating site. Yeesh.
Tell me more, Frankie.
Okay!
Almost every dating site that uses the old fake profile dupe has a term for their fake profiles. SeekingMILF is no different.
Meet the “Online Cupids” everybody.
But I want details!
For you? Of course!
While it might be nice to mix things up a bit and tell you something that I haven’t said about a gajillion times, the fact is, I keep saying the same thing because it’s always the same story.
So, what do I keep saying over and over and over again?
Only the one simple thing you can do that can help save your ass from getting scammed by shady dating sites:
Read the terms and conditions. Always.
I get it. We’re all used to just checking the “I agree” box without actually reading anything. Who wants to read all that mumbo-jumbo anyway?
Thing is, unscrupulous companies count on that. They count on you to just blindly agree. That way they can basically do whatever they want and their asses are still covered. “We told him what we were doing and he agreed!” they get to say.
Well fuck that.
Save yourself the goddamn headache. All you have to do to make an informed decision is read the terms and conditions. First.
With all that said, how about an example of the kind of shadiness we’re talking about here?
Check it out. Section 9 of SeekingMILF’s T&C:
9. FOR AMUSEMENT PURPOSES ONLY
Not what you were thinking the site is for, right?
It gets worse.
9.b. You understand and accept that our site, while built in the form of a personals service, is an entertainment service. All profiles are provided for the amusement and entertainment of our members and our users. You are not guaranteed that you will find a date, a companion, or an activity partner, or that you will meet any of our members in person.
For fuck’s sake.
Ready for Cupid time? Sure you are!
9.c. THIS SITE USES FANTASY PROFILES CALLED ONLINE CUPIDS®: You understand, acknowledge, and agree that some of the user profiles posted on this site may be fictitious and operated by the Site or its contractors.
And…
9.c.i. Messages sent from our Online Cupids® service may be automatically generated with no human involvement, and Online Cupids® messages and/or correspondence may be generated by third-parties hired or contracted by Us.
More? Why not?
9.c.ii. You understand, acknowledge, and agree that the information, text, and pictures contained in the Online Cupids® service profiles do not pertain to any actual person, but are included for entertainment and educational purposes only. Life events, experiences, interests, and geographic locations are fictitious. Nothing contained in any Online Cupids® service profile or message is intended to describe or resemble any real person – living or dead.
Of course, that’s just some of the nonsense you’ll find in their terms. There’s more. There’s always more. Go ahead and read the rest if you like.
Those snippets tell me all I need to know though.
And what they’re telling me is to back the fuck away.
I don’t believe you, Frankie!
Since we’re being ridiculous right now…
Okay. We’ve got all that out of our systems now? Good good.
Man, facts is facts. They aren’t there to be disbelieved. They’re there to tell us stuff. Indisputable stuff. Stuff like what’s a little ways up this page.
Go ahead and have yourself another read through. While you’re reading, remember that as impossible as it may seem that a company would try and pull that shit over on you, it doesn’t change the fact that you’re reading facts.
Then, you know, feel free to dance around in the turkey costume again. Dancing turkeys are a good palette cleanser after all that shady nonsense. Fact.
So how the hell am I supposed to get laid?
Sign up to a legit dating site.
Click here and check out the sites I’ve listed. Sign up to one of those sites and you’ll find loads of women who want to get laid. No bullshit attached. No scams.
TL;DR
SeekingMILF.com? Nope. Scam.
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