The Question
Mischievous Marvin who wants to get bawdy with a tasty hottie: “Hey Frankie. How do I get laid at SeekingNaughty.com?”
Me: “SeekingNaughty.com? Oh, so easy. Here’s what you do. First, you gotta remember to keep your eyes open. Like, keep ‘em peeled, you know? You’re looking for something, after all. Once your eyeballs are all tuned in to be on the lookout, you have to practice walking around on your tippy toes. Like they do in cartoons. Why? Uh, because that’s how you look for things. Especially naughty things. Geez. Alright, once you have the tippy toe walk down, and you’re on high alert in the eyeball department, you’re ready to find you fucking don’t!”
Speaking of cartoons, you have a better chance of hooking up with Jessica Rabbit than you do of hooking up with anyone at SeekingNaughty.
But why, Frankie? What’s wrong with SeekingNaughty.com?
Still speaking of cartoons, cuz why not, here are three badass mofos from the cartoon world:
Check that strut!
And here are three things that you wish were just a drawing so you could erase them right out of existence:
Fake members, fake profiles, and fake emails.
Of the things mentioned, let me assure you that what you won’t find at SeekingNaughty are strutting ducks.
Tell me more, Frankie.
Coming up!
We’ve seen this term many times before, and I am certain that we’re gonna see it many times more.
Look everybody! “Online Cupids”!
Blech.
But I want details!
Sure thing!
But first I need you to read and remember the following three words:
Terms and conditions.
Why should you remember them, you ask?
Good question. Here’s your answer:
The terms and conditions are the one place where you have any chance at all of finding out if you’re about to get conned by a scammy dating site.
Really, the terms and conditions are your one and only potential ally when it comes to guarding yourself against these unscrupulous fuckers.
If a site is trying to pull a fast one on their members, there’s a good chance that the trickery will be disclosed in the terms. Not to help you, of course, but to cover their own asses. Buried in all that legal blah is where you have a chance to uncover the truth and save yourself the misery that comes along with getting duped.
So, why remember the words “terms and conditions”? Because if you don’t want to end up being scammed, they’re the first thing you should read on a dating site that you’re thinking of signing up to. No exceptions.
Now, how about a big fat example of what we’re talking about here?
If you’ll kindly direct your attention to section 9 of SeekingNaughty’s terms, you’ll find the following:
9. FOR AMUSEMENT PURPOSES ONLY
Hmmm… that doesn’t sound good, does it?
Well, just wait until you get a load of this next bit.
9.b. You understand and accept that our site, while built in the form of a personals service, is an entertainment service. All profiles are provided for the amusement and entertainment of our members and our users. You are not guaranteed that you will find a date, a companion, or an activity partner, or that you will meet any of our members in person.
And bring on the Cupids!
9.c. THIS SITE USES FANTASY PROFILES CALLED ONLINE CUPIDS®: You understand, acknowledge, and agree that some of the user profiles posted on this site may be fictitious and operated by the Site or its contractors.
Oh, we ain’t done yet…
9.c.i. Messages sent from our Online Cupids® service may be automatically generated with no human involvement, and Online Cupids® messages and/or correspondence may be generated by third-parties hired or contracted by Us.
Just a wee bit more, cuz we can…
9.c.ii. You understand, acknowledge, and agree that the information, text, and pictures contained in the Online Cupids® service profiles do not pertain to any actual person, but are included for entertainment and educational purposes only. Life events, experiences, interests, and geographic locations are fictitious. Nothing contained in any Online Cupids® service profile or message is intended to describe or resemble any real person – living or dead.
So, there’re some fine highlights for you that should drive the point home pretty well. Wanna read the rest of their terms? Knock yourself out.
Me? I knew what we were dealing with as soon as we hit “FOR AMUSEMENT PURPOSES ONLY”. The nonsense about the fictitious profiles is always the kicker though.
To sum it all up…
Fuck that.
I don’t believe you, Frankie!
Well, shit. Of course not.
I mean, why would you?
These scamtacular sites obviously have your best interests in mind. What with all the fictitious profiles they so lovingly create to dupe you into thinking that you’re actually speaking with interested women.
So, yeah… Good call. Stick with that whole not believing me thing.
Gah! I can’t do it! I can’t leave it like that.
Seriously now. Stop that. You’re killing me here.
Listen, unless you like getting scammed, go re-read the facts I laid out for you up there and start believing. ASAP.
So how the hell am I supposed to get laid?
Sign up to a legit dating site.
Click here and check out the sites I’ve listed. Sign up to one of those sites and you’ll find loads of women who want to get laid. No bullshit attached. No scams.
TL;DR
SeekingNaughty.com? Nope. Scam.
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