The Question
Rakish fellow who wants to play find the pickle with a cheeky chicky: “Hey Frankie. How do I get laid at SexSearch.com?”
Me: “SexSearch.com? No sweat. If you can play hide and seek, you’re set. First things first, go put on some camouflage. Any kind. Totally depends on your environment. In the living room? Lampshade. Bathroom? Hold up a motherfucking towel. Kitchen? You know Imma say toaster. Got it? Now you stay super still. Don’t move a muscle. A few minutes will go by and you’ll ask yourself, ‘Why the fuck am I hiding? Don’t I want someone to be able to find me?’ Then, as soon as the rush of your epiphany fades, you fucking don’t!”
Here’s the thing, you can search until the cows come home and you still won’t find anyone for the sexy time on SexSearch.
But why, Frankie? What’s wrong with SexSearch.com?
Sometimes things that come in threes are super awesome!
But sometimes things that come in threes are not super awesome.
Fake members, fake profiles, fake emails.
Which set of three do you think applies to SexSearch?
Tell me more, Frankie.
Cool. Cool cool cool.
Say hello to your friendly neighborhood “Online Emissaries”! They’re sure as hell gonna say hello to you on their never ending scam mission!
But I want details!
By all means! Details for you, sir!
Terms and conditions.
Those three words are what will save you from getting scammed by these unscrupulous motherfucking sites. Remember them. Remember to always check them first. As in, before you get sucked in by all the pretty pictures of the ladies with their breastseses out.
With that little PSA out of the way, let’s practice what we preach and hop over to the T&C on SexSearch.
Section 14 delivers the gold right off the bat:
14. ONLINE EMISSARIES: SEXSEARCHCOM.COM UTILIZES VIRTUAL PROFILES THAT DO NOT CORRESPOND TO ACTUAL MEMBERS
We could stop there cuz “virtual profiles”, but why not peek in on a little more of the nonsense?
14.2 An ONLINE EMISSARY may be a digital actor, an avatar or a synthespian (e.g. a computer generated “person” or “character”). ONLINE EMISSARIES may be employed by sexsearchcom.com or a third party to enhance Your online experience.
Fuck me, that “synthespian” thing is ridiculous.
Last highlight:
14.3 By consenting to and accepting these Terms, You acknowledge You fully understand, accept and agree to the ONLINE EMISSARIES service. You acknowledge that You understand that some of the profiles and Members displayed on them are not actual members of the site. ONLINE EMISSARIES are not associated with any other user of the site, but are sent to You in an effort to promote broader enjoyment, additional activity and fuller participation in all our Services.
Of course, they go on to say that you don’t have to participate in their “Online Emissary” service if you don’t want to. Isn’t that nice of them?
Fuck. That.
I don’t believe you, Frankie!
I’m not entirely sure why, or how, you might come to that conclusion after reading all that stuff just up a hair on this page, but I will say this…
Stop it!
Never mind with the not believing. Facts is facts. And “virtual profiles” is fact. A shitty, scammy fact.
So how the hell am I supposed to get laid?
Sign up to a legit dating site.
Click here and check out the sites I’ve listed. Sign up to one of those sites and you’ll find loads of women who want to get laid. No bullshit attached. No scams.
TL;DR
SexSearch.com? Nope. Scam.
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