The Question
Eager dude who wants to pick up a willing woman: “Hey Frankie. How do I get laid at XPickup.com?”
Me: “XPickup.com? No problem. Just hop into the nearest pickup truck and head to the store. Then pick up a few things that you think you’re gonna need for some sexy time later on. When you get back home after you pick up your dry cleaning, be sure to pick up all the crap you left on the floor earlier. Finally, after you’ve picked up everything else that you possibly could, you’re ready to pick up a big pile of you fucking don’t!”
Pick up what I’m putting down here, amigo… The one place you won’t be picking anything up from is XPickup.com.
But why, Frankie? What’s wrong with XPickup.com?
What’s wrong? Hmm… Let me see…
If only there was some way that I could summarize what’s wrong with XPickup.
Oh yeah! There totally is!
Fake members, fake profiles, and fake emails!
Tell me more, Frankie.
More.
More what?
More of everybody’s favorite, that’s what! Sparkle sprinkling!
I know we’ve seen this guy before, but I’ve decided that he’s going to be the new official sparkle sprinkling spokesperson. Which means he may or may not start showing up each time the goddamn sparkle sprinkling is mentioned.
Either way, I shall call him… El Sparko.
But I want details!
Order up! Details!
In true cover your ass fashion from yet another example of a scamtastic hookup site, buried deep in the Terms and Conditions is where we find the slightest glimmer of truth.
Let’s have a look at section I6, shall we?
In order to enhance your amusement experience, to stimulate you and others to use our Services more extensively, and to generally sprinkle some sparkle and excitement into the Services of XPICKUP.COM, we may post fictitious profiles, generate or respond to communications by means of automated programs or scripts that simulate or attempt to simulate your intercommunication with another real human being (though none really exists and any dialog is generated by programming), and we may employ or contract for the paid services of real persons who may interact with you as part of their compensated employment.
Just for fun, I’ll include another little bit of the bool-chit:
While these communications may seem genuine, authentic, and personal, they may be broadcast simultaneously to a large number of persons and possess none of these qualities. While their contents may appear to be true, they may be quite false; while their contents may appear to sincere, they may be quite disingenuous.
That right there is some pretty top quality nonsense. Fuck that.
I don’t believe you, Frankie!
If it sparkles and you know it, run away.
If it sparkles and you know it, run away.
If it sparkles and you know it, and you still don’t freaking believe it,
You should still turn around and run away.
Okay, I kinda butchered that little ditty, but the point is, believe the T&C. It’s the one place where the truth gets told.
Now, if you still don’t believe what I’m telling you, then just sparkle on, you crazy diamond. Sparkle on.
So how the hell am I supposed to get laid?
Sign up to a legit dating site.
Click here and check out the sites I’ve listed. Sign up to one of those sites and you’ll find loads of women who want to get laid. No bullshit attached. No scams.
TL;DR
XPickup.com? Nope. Scam.
As soon as I paid to join xpickup in order to be able to message women all of them seemed to cease to exist. None messaged me back, and started getting all kinds of messages from other scam sites trying to get me to pay again. SCAM SCAM SCAM.
Hey Jim.
That blows. Sucks you got bilked. Thanks for taking the time to chime in and warn other dudes before they get shafted though. Appreciated.
Yeah. I’ve wasted a bunch of emotion on this site and others like it. Glad you’re reviewing this crap for us, Frankie!
Hey SLeroy.
Sucks about that wasted time, man. You’ve got the inside scoop now though! Thanks for chiming in. And thanks for the shoutout too. It’s appreciated.